I’ve had sexual encounters with women – but it wasn’t for the same reason as Love Island’s Amber Gill
REALITY star Amber Gill said this week: “Switching teams was the best decision I made in my life.”
The Love Island 2019 winner is no longer interested in men and, from here on in, it’s women all the way for her.
While I’m thrilled that she has discovered who and what she is, she goes on to say that “men make her feel ill” and she “couldn’t go through it again with a man”.
I, myself, like many other women, have had a few dalliances with women in the past.
I never pursued another woman — things just happened and they were most certainly borne out of sexual desire.
I haven’t, to date, felt an impetus to turn my attention to a relationship with another woman based on my despair of men.
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There is no doubt that, with the celebration of the 50th anniversary of the very first Pride parade last weekend, other courageous men and women have paved the way for people like Amber to have the freedom to express her sexuality without fear or shame.
But I’m going to stick my neck out here and suggest there is just a whiff of an increasingly “cool” and growing trend to make these kinds of declarations based purely on a disenchantment with men.
I hear with growing frequency from other female friends — particularly those on dating apps — that they, just like Amber, are considering “swapping sides”.
The complaints all seem to echo the same grievance — and if I may sexually stereotype for a moment — that men are notoriously inconsistent and unreliable.
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They display a reluctance to engage in honesty and have an inclination towards the modern phenomenon of “ghosting”.
They appear to have an inability to express themselves.
They tend to treat women as increasingly dispensable and have become masters of what can only really be termed “emotional constipation”.
They can be fickle, those lads, that’s for sure.
After more than a year of putting myself out there on dating apps, that is certainly my own, personal experience, too.
These do appear to be male traits.
And it’s for this reason I hear time and time again that women are contemplating changing what they are “looking for” on the apps.
Women are clearly feeling exasperated.
I can’t help but put myself in gay women’s shoes and wonder if I wouldn’t feel a tad insulted by straight women effectively saying that they are fed up with men so they’re going to try the second best option.
EMOTIONAL CONSTIPATION
I speak to my lesbian friends and they feel this kind of behaviour and change of approach is disingenuous and disparaging towards them.
It is lazy because it comes across as some kind of fairweather attitude — women get fed up with men, so they’ll give a gay woman a try.
I’m categorically not suggesting Amber Gill is not gay.
But, after supposedly nailing her colours to the mast, she promptly followed it the next day by pleading not to be “put in a box”.
So, which is it? You’re done with men and you’re turning your attention to women but you’re not gay?
My closest friend came out about 18 months ago.
Granted, she’d led a life of being messed around by men who struggled with commitment and she might have been deemed to be “unlucky in love”.
Yes, she had become disillusioned by the opposite sex, and announcing she was gay may have come as a surprise to some.
But the fact was, she had always known, deep down, she was but hadn’t had the space in a complex personal environment to come out. It was who she always was.
She didn’t turn to women because she thought men were bastards. It was who she had always been.
And I’ve never seen her as happy as she is now in her settled, lesbian relationship.
I’m so glad the landscape is now one that enables many more people to feel comfortable declaring their sexuality because a lot of the “shame” has fallen by the wayside.
I welcome that wholeheartedly, as long as it doesn’t feel to gay women as if they’re sloppy seconds.
As for me, well, I haven’t found my lobster yet.
I may be cynical and a tad embittered but you’ve always got to have hope, right?
HANGOVER PILL CAN’T CURE DRUNKEN DIALLING
DEEP joy, I thought.
A new hangover prevention pill has now become available in the UK.
It promises to block the effects of drinking too much and should leave you feeling “fresh” the next day.
Myrkl is a supplement that breaks down alcohol in the gut before it reaches the liver.
You just need to take two tablets at least two hours before drinking.
Which does take the spontaneity out of it somewhat, as I don’t always plan when I’m going to drink.
Sometimes I accidentally fall into some rum. I don’t know how and I don’t know when it’s going to happen.
It does sound like an interesting concept because, as we all know, hangovers get worse with age.
I struggle to function the day after drinking but I never seem to learn my lesson because it’s always that final drink I order or pour that is the killer – the one that sends me over the edge.
Oh dear. I’ve just read the small print and it’s not suitable for binge-drinkers. Is there any other kind? Ho-hum.
Well, at the very least, could someone please, please, please invent a breathalyser for using the phone, then?
Because often people wake up, considerably more lily-livered than the night before, and are forced to address some dodgy, inappropriate messages they left for people they should, perhaps, have left behind many moons ago.
I’m asking for a friend. Obvs.
BARKER MADE TENNIS SO ACE
AS much as I love tennis, I ignored Wimbledon last year.
The thought of watching it with reduced numbers of spectators, owing to Covid, left me feeling somewhat empty.
This year, however, the 100th anniversary of the tournament, the play has had me captivated.
But I’m already thinking ahead to next year when, having announced she is retiring as presenter of the BBC’s Wimbledon coverage, there will be no Sue Barker.
She has fronted the championships for nearly three decades and is absolutely formidable.
We live in a world where reality stars become TV presenters with no prior experience.
Where sports stars often become hosts, too. But not all have what it takes.
I believe it is something you have a natural affinity for, and Sue has it by the bucketload.
Not only does she know her stuff but she’s gentle with her delivery and everyone around her appears to adore her.
There is no fancy trickery, no clever comments, no attempts to be funny or to shame.
Like a Novak Djokovic serve, Sue is just straight down the line.
She was once ranked World No3 and there was no guarantee she would be a natural presenter.
But she is and always has been.
I’ve always felt that, as an observer, fan and viewer, my dedication to tennis was safe in her hands.
I shall miss her.
And for me, Sue Barker will always be ranked World No1.
DAMIAN DESERVES ANOTHER CHANCE AT HAPPINESS WITH NEW LOVE ALISON
ACTOR Damian Lewis has gone public with his new girlfriend, US rocker Alison Mosshart.
He lost his formidable wife, actress Helen McCrory, to cancer 14 months ago at the tender age of 52.
They were the most dedicated, romantic showbiz couple you could imagine, so some might be surprised he’s dating someone already.
I’m not.
According to research, two thirds of widowers are in a relationship within 25 months of the loss of their wives, in contrast to fewer than one fifth of widows.
Widowers appear to become considerably more alluring to the opposite sex for some reason.
It could be that men are perceived as being hopeless and helpless by themselves, so women attracted to them make themselves indispensable.
And there does seem to be some peculiar magnetism about a widower with children.
A man, on the other hand, and maybe his fragile ego, might find it difficult to deal with being second best in a relationship with a woman who might still be in love with someone else.
Who knows? But there does seem to be a lot of anecdotal evidence of the above.
It doesn’t mean that just because someone moves on, they didn’t love their partner or they’ve forgotten about them.
I think it’s a sign of great strength and romanticism.
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Life is for living, and no one wants Damian to be miserable for the rest of his days.
I wish him the very best.