I had threesome with another woman and my dead husband’s ghost after becoming a widow – I felt his presence as we romped
NICKY Wake and her husband Andy had always dreamt of having a threesome.
But when Andy tragically died of Covid in 2020, the widow wanted to honour his desires, and even found a way for her late husband to be there.
Nicky has spoken candidly about a phenomenon known as widow’s fire, which is an increase in libido that can take place following the death of a partner.
Her husband Andy, whom she married in 2002, always spoke about wanting a threesome which she also fantasised about.
But it wasn’t until after his untimely death that she made it a reality, connecting with another woman who knew about her widowed status, and also found her late husband attractive.
She went on to rediscover her sexuality by sleeping with the woman with Andy’s picture present in the room and said she “felt his presence”.
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LIFELONG FANTASY
“I used to joke that I’d treat him to it for his 60th birthday,” says mum-of-one Nicky, from Manchester.
“The truth is, I identify as bisexual, so it was also a fantasy of mine.
“I was always a little hesitant about introducing a third person into what was a deeply loving and fulfilling relationship, but as a one-off for a special occasion, it felt like it could be fun and memorable for both of us.”
The 53-year-old explained that she and her late husband Andy, who died aged 54, had very nearly made the fantasy a reality on a few occasions.
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Once at a naturist beach in Jamaica when they got to know a flirty American couple and again at a New Year’s party.
But on both occasions, they never actually went through with it.
She says: “If we were going to go for it, I assumed we’d either use a specialist dating site or perhaps hire an escort.
“Tragically, Andy then suffered a series of catastrophic heart attacks that led to a severe brain injury, leaving him with no capacity.
“He was only 54. We lost him to Covid in 2020 when he was in a care home.
“Before Andy became ill, we had a passionate and satisfying sex life. I couldn’t imagine never feeling that again.
“About a year after he passed, and four years after his initial diagnosis, I started dating again at 49.”
BISEXUAL DATING
Nicky, like many modern daters, looked for new connections online and said she listed herself as bisexual on a dating website.
She says: “I’d had relationships with women in the past, and I wasn’t ready to be intimate with another man.
“Andy had been the only one for 20 years. It felt less intimidating to connect with a woman.
“I was honest about being newly widowed, nervous, out of practice, and said that this would be my first experience since Andy.”
What is widow's fire?
WIDOW'S - or widower's - fire is a term for a strong desire for sex following the death of a partner.
Experts say the phenomenon is normal and can be a natural part of the grieving process for many people.
There are many kinds of loss experienced when a partner dies and this includes the lack of sex and sexual intimacy, at a time when you may crave physical comfort.
The hormones released by desire and sex are also a way to ease the pain of loss, as well as a distraction from the emotional distress and a chance to feel 'alive'.
Some people report feeling all consumed by the need to have sex with someone - and that can come with feelings of guilt and shame.
It wasn’t long before Nicky got lucky on the website and met an “incredibly kind” woman.
Nicky says: “We arranged a dinner date where I invited her back to mine for coffee and one thing led to another.
“She thanked me for being open, and told me she’d be honoured to help me feel something other than grief.
“She also reassured me that Andy would want me to rediscover my sexuality.
“As we moved to the bedroom, she noticed his picture and said what a beautiful photo it was.
I felt his presence as we had sex
Nicky Wake
“She added, ‘If he were here, I’d have happily slept with you both.’
“She gently reassured me again not to feel guilty.
SEXUAL PRESENCE
“I don’t believe in a literal afterlife, but I felt his presence as we had sex. I often do, especially in moments of transition.
“This felt like a step into a future I hadn’t imagined, one he’d absolutely support.
“I could almost hear him say, 'You deserve joy. Just don’t forget me.'
“I never will. He was my soulmate.”
Nicky now identifies as a polyamorous bisexual and said she has a few ongoing relationships with multiple people.
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She advises any other widowers to not live the remainder of their lives with regrets as “life is short and precious”.
Nicky, who has founded a dating website specifically for widowers called added: “Above all, be open about your situation and your desires.”
