I said yes to everything for year, dated men I didn’t fancy & went on debauched trip, says Loose Women’s Charlene White
AFTER a difficult break-up 12 years ago, ITV newsreader Charlene White made a vow to say yes to every opportunity that came her way.
The experiment changed her life as it helped her meet partner Andy, dad of her children Alfie, six, and Florence, four.
Today Charlene, 43, exclusively shares what her “Year of Yes” entailed.
I WAS in my early thirties when I had my heart broken.
Like any woman going through this pain, I was distraught, upset and panicked.
“I’m never going to meet anyone,” I thought.
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“I will never have any children. I will never get married and my life won’t be what I want it to be.”
I’d spent nine years with this man, on and off, and one day in 2011, finally, it was over. It was a painful and emotional time.
I sat and cried over my lost love, thinking about so many of my good friends who I’d gone to school with.
Most were married with kids by this point and I couldn’t help but feel I’d fallen behind.
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“Everybody else is ahead of me,” I told myself. “Having a family is never going to happen for me.”
I wondered what was next. My biological clock was suddenly all I thought about — so much so that it was easy to forget who I was.
There have been countless studies done on heartbreak and the impact it can have on you emotionally, mentally and physically.
And after mine, I wasn’t myself.
‘I did debauched hols in Ibiza with friends’
So I said yes to dates with men I would historically never have gone on dates with. Ones who I wasn’t immediately physically attracted to, or who talked about themselves too much, for example.
I did debauched holidays in Ibiza with friends.
I started going to events by myself. Dinner parties with these incredible, interesting people who I’d never met before and who I felt I was out of my depth around. I’d put on a nice dress, take a deep breath and go alone.
I’d gone through a period of forgetting who I was and forgetting that, actually, I love meeting new people. I genuinely like those situations.
However, in hindsight there were some things I probably should have said no to. For instance, someone contacted me about joining a dating service.
They seemed so classy, with clients all over the world and plenty of “happy couple” success stories. They organised a dinner for potential members.
This is not something I would normally have attended, sitting by myself on a table with 15 singles, but I said yes, and did it.
It turned into the most random, awkward night ever, with lots of men who weren’t looking for the love of their life — more a woman to hang out with when in a particular city.
But hey, it was an experience!
On another hopeful night, I went to a big party at London’s Mansion House — with no plus one.
I didn’t know a single person in the room, but I had a plan.
I’d go to the bar, grab a drink and whoever was stood next to me, I would strike up a conversation with.
I met loads of amazing people that night, some of whom I’m still friends with now.
I suddenly realised that there was so much opportunity around me — each action leads to something else — if only I just said yes.
And so I did. In fact, my most successful yes was yet to come.
I had agreed to sit on the board of a journalism charity, which is where I met my friend Yasir.
He is gay so he wasn’t a romantic prospect, but he proved to be a lot of fun and we’d go out as friends. One night we went to the party where I met Andy.
We started chatting and got into a debate about something, when he told me my views were wrong. Men rarely told me I was wrong, as they were too busy trying to chat me up. So I was immediately hooked.
The three of us hung out and we ended up in a bar somewhere. Then Yasir abruptly said: “I’m gonna go.”
I was shocked. “You can’t leave me here with this guy? You’re leaving me with a stranger!” I gasped.
He said: “I don’t think you realise what’s happening here, but I can see it. You two should be left alone.” And he was right. That “stranger” ended up being the person I settled down with.
It didn’t take me long to fall for Andy. At this point, because of my year of yes, I was feeling more confident than ever. I knew what I wanted and what made me happy.
So I had the chat with Andy very early on. I asked him: “Is this a thing? And if it isn’t a thing, I will be totally happy to walk away.
“Because, biologically, I don’t have time to wait around.” I’m really proud of myself for saying that.
Good head space
I was in such a good head space. And he confirmed what I knew.
It WAS a thing. Fast forward eight years and we have two beautiful children together.
I wouldn’t have met Andy without saying yes to any and all opportunities that came my way. I needed to find that inner confidence.
I learned that when you feel happy with yourself, you exude confidence — and that is a very attractive quality.
You have to love who you are and then people will love you. Honestly, I would encourage everyone to do a year of yes if you need it. Do it just to fall in love with yourself again.
If you’re a cautious person, just learning to find joy in things is amazing. I learned to find the positives in every situation.
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Though I was doing the opposite of what my brain was telling me, I eventually managed to change my whole mindset. I had to learn to focus on the positives in every situation, not the negatives. You do become happier as a result.
As Monty Python said, Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life. With that advice, you just can’t go wrong.