How to fill six minutes of foreplay to ensure better sex with your partner
HOW is your six life? Couples who take part in at least six minutes of “pre-sex affectionate behaviour” involving a variety of intimate activities are more likely to feel “very sexually satisfied” after the big event, a new study has found.
Here, sexpert ALIX FOX reveals how you and your partner can use those 360 seconds to set yourselves up for a first-class experience.
Tips for her
BE A CONFIDENCE TRICKSTER: Worrying about how you look between the sheets can squash your ability to enjoy yourself.
Instead of relentlessly criticising yourself, get in the good habit every morning of writing down three positive things that you appreciate about your body.
Over time, it should become easier to bring to mind a handful of these just before doing something that makes you feel physically vulnerable, such as getting naked with a lover.
SUPERCHARGE YOUR SENSES: Feel calm and present during sex by switching on your senses to maximise your body’s capacity to get turned on.
A good way of doing this is pressing your first finger and thumb together while noticing and naming (out loud, or silently to yourself) three things you can smell.
Press the second finger and thumb together while doing the same for three things you can hear, and so on, for things you can feel, taste and see.
TOUCH YOURSELVES TOGETHER: More than a third of us have never spoken to their significant other about self-pleasuring — and 38 per cent of men and 34 per cent of women have fibbed about the ways they please themselves.
Yet you are the expert on exactly how you like to be touched, so chatting honestly about your habits and demonstrating your moves to each other can be an amazing learning experience — and the visual is likely to drive him wild.
Plus, if you want to get hot in a hurry, taking matters into your own hands can be the most efficient way.
DIRECT HIS MOVES WITH DIRTY TALK: Whispering your wishes into his ear is a good way to clue him up about where and how you want him to stroke or kiss you.
He’ll find it arousing to hear you describe your desires, and it’s less intimidating for shy types than announcing them directly to his face.
If you’re not good with words, Borrow someone else’s. Try reading out a racy passage from an erotic book or short story.
KEEP HIM AROUSED THE EASY WAY: Wonderful sex is about much more than just intercourse but many men place huge pressure on themselves to maintain their state of arousal.
If they are too busy fretting about that, it can ruin the whole experience for you both.
Using a sex toy, like a vibrating ring, on him can help and also be fun for you both.
DON’T KISS GOODBYE TO THE SLOW ’N’ SENSUAL ONCE SEX STARTS: Once intercourse is introduced, it’s all too easy for all that slinky, full-body-and-mind fabulousness you’ve cultivated during foreplay to go right out the window.
Just before you start to have sex, tell him to wait. Hold your face close to his, almost kissing, and playfully tease him before fully making out.
Tips for him
CREATE A PLAYTIME PLAYLIST: Listening to our favourite tunes activates the same feel-good chemical pathways in the brain as great sex, neuroscientists at McGill University in Canada found.
So, as well as making you less nervous that neighbours or kids might overhear you getting busy, music can help quickly put you in the mood.
Beware of including tracks containing derogatory terms for women — that might turn your partner off.
Try building a shared playlist together. Adding a new song could become your secret signal that you are in the mood and ready to go.
CATCH YOUR BREATH: If you want to take her breath away, slow down, cowboy!
Don’t make a hurried, hasty beeline for her genitals like they are some kind of bullseye.
Instead, take a minute to sit or lie down, gazing into each other’s eyes as you breathe in and out in time together.
This tantric technique helps you both feel more intimately connected, relaxed and focused on the sensations in your bodies.
GET HANDSY: Holding hands as you breathe has been shown to reduce stress while increasing feelings of bonding and triggering the “love hormone” oxytocin.
Next, move on to gently massaging her skin, touching her fingertips to your lips, and softly kissing and caressing the most delicate parts of her, but not down there yet.
Wait 60 seconds. Invest a minute in making her feel romanced by stroking her cheeks, kissing her wrists and collarbones — targeting the nerve endings.
PROMISE LIGHT: Many men think it’s sexy to say things like: “I’m going to give you the best orgasm ever tonight” in the run-up to sex.
This can make women feel under pressure and as though they have failed if they cannot climax on command.
Instead, try: “You’re amazing, and I want to make you feel amazing — tell me whatever you’d like.”
You want her to feel good because you genuinely care about her pleasure, not because it makes you feel more manly to try and order an orgasm from her.
LISTEN CAREFULLY: If your partner asks you to touch her in a certain way, be grateful for the knowledge, not offended that she is making a request.
Do not take it personally if she asks you to change something.
BE A TOY BOY: The majority of women require constant stimulation in order to orgasm.
Sex toys are not your competition — they are tools you can use to blow her mind.
Make them your friend in the bedroom. They do a lot of the work and are lots of fun for you both.
...and afterwards
THIS is a precious moment where you can give compliments about your partner’s looks.
Sadly, lots of people tend to feel extra-embarrassed of their bodies just after the rush of sex is over.
MOST READ IN FABULOUS
An admiring word sounds even more authentic when your partner knows you’re not just saying it to get your leg over, too. Be sure not to immediately assess the sex that’s just happened.
If you’d like to change something next time, your feedback is more likely to be well- received if you have a conversation outside the bedroom, over a cuppa.
When you’re both naked, it’s time to spoon – not to dole out criticisms.
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