I’m worried my friend with benefits is pregnant – but she’s refusing to admit anything to me

DEAR DEIDRE: MY former friend with benefits is showing strong signs that she may be pregnant – but refuses to admit a thing to me.

We had a longstanding arrangement that we would have sex together, as long as neither of us was in a relationship.

It worked for years — after all, we had been friends since school and were always great mates.

Our mutual understanding was that we would be sexual partners and friends but never anything more than that.

We are both 27 and had plenty of fun nights together, and regularly one or other of us would call in on the other late at night for a kiss and cuddle.

The sex never got boring but we knew that emotionally we weren’t suited to each other.

We both paused our arrangement at times, when one of us found a serious partner, but as soon as the steady relationship ended the late-night booty calls would start again.

But recently, I met a new girlfriend and told my FWB about this. Her reaction wasn’t the same as before and I began to wonder if she was falling for me.

Then one of our mutual friends messaged me about her concerns.

Apparently, my FWB partner was “devastated” and had fallen into a deep depression.

Feeling awful, I arranged to meet her, and we had sex. But I told her this was the last time — and explained that I thought my new girlfriend might even be The One.

Since then our mutual friends have been telling me that my now former FWB friend is feeling nauseous the whole time. Apparently she isn’t drinking either.

She won’t admit to me that she’s pregnant — but if she is, I’m responsible. It’s such a mess.

DEIDRE SAYS: Friends-with-benefits arrangements can work as long as you both have clear boundaries. You tried, but you were together for too long to not let emotions get involved.

If she is pregnant and it’s your baby then it’s good that you recognise that you’ll need to step up and be responsible –  but she needs to know that this relationship is over.

Although with any pregnancy the decision to go through with it lies with the mother, it may make a difference to her to know that your position will only be supportive.

My support pack Unplanned Preg-nancy may help you both. If she is feeling heartbroken and depressed, talk to your mutual friends, who may be able to encourage her to see a counsellor.

HE DOESN’T CARE THAT I’M FEELING SO UNHAPPY

DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend says that if he wants to watch pornography, that’s up to him and he’s not harming our relationship. He’s wrong. He’s destroying our relationship.

I’m a new mum of 37 and have had no confidence in myself since I gave birth. It’s OK for him – nothing has changed – but my body looks old and I’ve turned into a feeding machine.

He stopped wanting sex as soon as our son was born six months ago.

He doesn’t hide the fact that he uses pornography at any time of the day, whether I’m around or not. He turns to it for sexual relief.

He’s 39 and I’ve told him he makes me feel unattractive and unhappy. Sadly, he doesn’t care. He says everyone looks at pornography.

I don’t feel sexy and I can’t tell anyone. The only positive thing is our baby boy. I love being a mum.

DEIDRE SAYS: His lack of regard for your feelings is wrecking your relationship, and it will be damaging for your baby to feel the tension between you.

You may not feel up to resuming sex just yet, but tell him intimacy can be more than just intercourse. Would he consider that you could both use massage to reconnect? It can really help if you have that skin-on-skin touch.

My support pack Sex Problems After A Baby will help.

If his pornography feels more like an addiction, he can find help through .

EX IS LETDOWN FOR OUR CHILD

DEAR DEIDRE: I TOLD my little girl her dad “was poorly” when he didn’t turn up for their day out.

I don’t want to badmouth him to her but he’s such a huge letdown. I’m running out of excuses.

Our daughter is nearly four years old and he is 32. I’m 29. We were together for three years and then I found out he was cheating on me when I was pregnant.

Despite the upset, we stayed together through to the birth, and for the first few weeks of our child’s life he was amazing.

He was there for us both and really engaged with our baby – but after a few sleepless nights he went back to his old ways of meeting friends and getting drunk in the pub.

He left me when our daughter was four months old, and we’ve been apart ever since. He has barely paid maintenance and now she sees other kids having their father pick them up from pre-school, and wants to know where her daddy is.

My friend told me that my ex now has another child. My daughter is soon going to have to know the truth about her father, is she not?

DEIDRE SAYS: Yes, but she’s a little young right now. When she gets older, she may see him as a letdown and choose when she does or does not wish to see him.

While she’s little, though, if you have a meeting planned for him to visit, don’t tell her – but arrange to meet in a park or somewhere fun so it’s a surprise if he shows up but she’s busy if he doesn’t appear.

Tell him how much your child loves him and that he’s letting her down. Put his visits on a formal footing and check out maintenance at gov.uk/child-maintenance-service (0800 171 2345). You can also find support through (0300 0300 363).