My freeloading ex would stay out all night and we weren’t having sex but I really miss him – should I go back?

DEAR DEIDRE: I DUMPED my boyfriend after he kept letting me down, but I miss him so much. Should I call him?

He moved in with me after his mum kicked him out two years ago. He’s 29, smokes a lot and is a heavy drinker. However, he promised not to do these things in my house.

I’m 32 and barely touch booze after growing up with alcoholic parents. While emptying his gym bag to put a wash on one day, I found empty vodka bottles.

I confronted him and he said they were really old. But I know he had bought that bag weeks earlier.

The final straw was when he didn’t bother turning up to a half marathon I’d trained hard for.

Everyone from my running club had partners there. I felt so let down when he said he couldn’t afford the petrol.

I had looked forward to the day for months but, when it arrived, I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

He didn’t even ask how I got on.

We went shopping recently and he got cross because he couldn’t find what he wanted, so he took it out on me, shouting and yelling in the shop, saying I was embarrassing.

He went out with a mate and was gone all night and, when I asked where he’d been, he said he went back to a girl’s house as he “couldn’t get a taxi”.

He said he’d known her for years and they were “friends”, but I’d never even heard of her.

He had stopped contributing to our bills and we weren’t even having sex, so I ended it last week. He’s gone.

I’ve had two other failed relationships. One was with a narcissist and the other was physically abusive.

This guy was a big improvement by comparison. Was I too hasty to end things?

DEIDRE SAYS: No. Take some time out being single for a while. You’ll appreciate the peace it brings.

This man’s own mother threw him out for the same reason that you finished with him – he has no regard for anybody but himself.

A good relationship is about supporting one another. He was a no-show when you had something important going on, he has been abusive, he gaslights you and doesn’t pay his way.

Somebody who loved you wouldn’t want to hurt you and would support you. He is one of life’s freeloaders.

My support pack, Finding The Right Partner For You, will help you to see that it’s time to move on.

FELLA’S BACK ON THE DRUGS AND I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though my boyfriend told me he has been clean for three years, I saw a crack pipe sticking out of his coat pocket.

He swore blind it wasn’t his.

We’ve got a toddler son and a baby boy and I don’t want them anywhere near this stuff, or near a father who is on drugs.

He lives with bipolar and I got used to his manic mood swings. He doesn’t work because he has regular episodes where he can’t get out of bed and I am officially his carer. But now, I can’t trust him.

We are both 32. He leaves the house for hours and our little boy gets upset if he’s not at home before he goes to bed.

Our toddler has started to wet the bed again and he is so unsettled.

My boyfriend’s benefit money seems to disappear. I don’t believe what he tells me. I’m convinced he’s back on crack. I don’t want this relationship any more.

DEIDRE SAYS: The trust is gone. Living with an addict is stressful. You are his carer but you care for him living with his condition, not his addiction.

Your children have no choice about who they live with, but you do. He has blown his chances of saving family life.

Find out about next steps and your financial situation through , which helps with domestic abuse, divorce, housing and family law, among other things.

My support pack Ending A Relationship will help you to bring things to a close.

WIDOWED FRIEND IS TURNING TO DRINK

DEAR DEIDRE: MY best friend is a widower and he is really struggling to be a single parent to his daughter, who is 16 and seems out of control.

I’m worried for him because he seems to be going down a dark path. He really has lost his zest for life.

We have been friends for ten years, having met at work.

Although I no longer work with him, I know from former colleagues that he has been turning up late to the office, or not at all.

I’m 47 and he’s 45.

His wife had cancer and it’s been awful to watch him dealing with that.

We used to meet for a quiet pint on a Friday night, and still do, but now he just gets totally wasted.

He says his daughter has been suspended at school for bullying and she’s lazy and not helping him at home, even though he’s out at work.

He complains about her but I’m worried about him too – he’s so flat and seems to be on a spiral of self-destruction.

DEIDRE SAYS: Go to see him and explain how worried you are. He’s grieving of course, and so is his daughter. They’ve been through a very tough time.

Meeting you will be a good outlet for him to offload but maybe going out for a pizza or watching some sport would mean there’s less of a pull to drink.

He and his daughter can find six weeks of free bereavement counselling through Sue Ryder (, 0808 164 4572).

WIFE AND MUM AT LOGGERHEADS

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN it comes to my wife and my parents, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. They don’t get along.

We have two toddlers who are two-and-a-half and 18 months old and we live with my parents.

I met my wife on a work trip to Thailand. She is 29 and the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

I am 34 and I have never had a long-term relationship, but this woman fell for me and she moved to the UK to be with me five years ago.

We had our children in quick succession and we never had time to save for a deposit to buy a house.

My mother and my wife are both hot-headed and my wife bad-mouths my mother all the time.

She kicks off if I try to defend her. It’s awful. It’s driving a wedge between my wife and I and we’ve talked about separation. When my parents go on holiday, the house feels completely different.

Our children are attached to me, which is the ­reason we stay together. I have not been happy for three years and neither has my wife.

What can we do to work this out? I’m scared she will leave me and take our kids back to Thailand.

DEIDRE SAYS: Staying with parents when you have children or even just as a couple, can be fraught with difficulties.

If you can find a compromise where you draw up different times to use the kitchen for instance, it may help.

Living in a house of tension is very damaging for your children, so make a concerted effort to save some money so you can move out.

Perhaps your parents would stop your bed and board payments to help out so that you can get your own place.

You can find a safe way of resolving conflict through National Family Mediation (, 0300 4000 636).