I’m secretly hooked on my sister-in-law’s OnlyFans – my requests are getting so twisted to feed my dark fantasy
DEAR DEIDRE: MY sister-in-law doesn’t realise that I’m one of her biggest admirers on her OnlyFans account.
What started off as innocent curiosity has become an unhealthy interest at best. I log on under a secret persona every week and I know my girlfriend would finish with me if she found out.
I’m 29, my girlfriend is 28, and her sister is 26.
My girlfriend is gorgeous and we are thinking about starting a family together. We’ve been together for three years.
I wasn’t intending to sign up long term when I logged onto her sister’s account. I hadn’t been on the site before and really just wanted a peek.
Her sister had told me and my girlfriend she’d started a tame account where she talked to men in her underwear.
My girlfriend warned her it would lead to trouble, but my sister-in-law was already boasting about the "seriously good money" she was making.
Later that night my girlfriend told me her sister had always been an attention-seeker and that she often attracted the wrong type of admirer.
I tried to ignore the itch to look at her account but within the week I had given in.
Using a different name completely, it felt weird flirting with her sister.
But by using a completely different persona, I allowed myself to feel that it didn’t actually matter because it wasn’t really me.
Four months have passed and I regularly flirt with her on OnlyFans but I’ve never pushed for anything more - I’m not that bad.
But I do log on every week at least twice.
Last weekend she confided in me and my girlfriend that a lot of her customers had started asking her for more - topless, then nude, then masturbation.
She said one man in particular had started asking her to do really creepy things, then started recounting some of my requests - including asking her to pretend to be unconscious and vulnerable, passed out on the sofa.
I know it's wrong, but it felt like a safe way of exploring my fantasy.
I'm starting to feel sickened with myself - how do I stop this routine?
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s likely your secret will come out one way or another and then what?
You’ve satisfied your curiosity, so why are you still logging on?
You've started down a dark path by requesting edgier content and I'd urge you to delete your account before things escalate further, and before your sister-in-law starts producing harder content.
What you’re doing is sinister on so many levels. Your sister-in-law doesn’t know it’s you and I’m sure your girlfriend would see this as cheating.
Your fantasies of seeing her vulnerable and unconscious are especially concerning. Many porn users start seeking increasingly extreme content because they need more risk to enjoy the same results.
After you have deleted the account, make sure you keep yourself busy at the times when you would have been tempted to log in.
If you know you would turn to your laptop after dinner, arrange to go and see a friend, or your girlfriend, or go to the gym. Change your habits to help you break this unhealthy one.
With such dark urges, it's likely you will need specialist help to stay away from such destructive scenarios. My support pack Is Porn Ruining Your Life is packed full of more insight, more advice and crucially where to go to get practical help.
Put your efforts back into your relationship. You have the potential to build a gorgeous family life with your girlfriend but it will take some commitment.
If you don’t have that in you, it would be much better for both of you, and any potential children, to rethink your relationship plans.
My support pack Looking After Your Relationship will help.
Dear Deidre's OnlyFans Files
Deidre's mailbag is bursting with OnlyFans problems. One reader went off real life after signing up to OnlyFans; another from a different subscriber who struggled with the even after a self-imposed ban, while one woman who created her account in secret.
OnlyFans - The Reality
It’s easy to understand the attraction of becoming an OnlyFans star; unlike the rest of the sex industry it seems performers can control their work, their image, their destiny.
Then there’s the money, which can be undeniably good.
Of course, lots of women who chose this way of life will talk about female empowerment, and I’d agree that anyone has the right to make their own choices, however there are some harsh realities that this narrative skims over.
The truth is no one who makes OnlyFans content can retain control. Once it is published or shared, it’s susceptible to being screen grabbed, recorded and posted to other adult sites.
There is simply no way to stop this.
The people paying for sexual gratification can develop a sense of entitlement over you. Some may even feel they own a piece of you. In their eyes you are a product.
I have received several emails from troubled men who have become obsessed with OnlyFans stars, convinced their business transactions are in fact the basis of a relationship.
There are people who research the public and private details of OnlyFans creators (called doxing) and then publish their findings making women extremely vulnerable.
Former content creators admit that while they start off with their own boundaries, the pressure to keep their subs (subscribers) willing to pay, pushes them to engage in extreme acts they previously would not have considered.
Once those videos and images are out there, there is no turning back time. So it’s worth considering how in the future neighbours, children or partners may react.
And finally, the money might be good, but I’m not sure that losing your family or security and privacy is a worthwhile price to pay.
If you have a worry you can email my team of counsellors on [email protected]
By Sally Land, The Sun's Agony Aunt.
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Sally Land is the Dear Deidre Agony Aunt. She achieved a distinction in the Certificate in Humanistic Integrative Counselling, has specialised in relationships and parenting. She has over 20 years of writing and editing women's issues and general features.
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